WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
