The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
