I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Randomize
