In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
