there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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