u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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