Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
