When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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