never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
