I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
