let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
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After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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