I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
