By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
