he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
