Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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