i was rollin on her like bob the builder
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
