No stitches, just platelets and will power
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
