New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
