Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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