i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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