I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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