dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
