my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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