I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
