He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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