I must be too annoying 4 u.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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