i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
