I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
