White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
