you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
