Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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