I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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