Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It's Friday. Sex?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
