and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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