I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
