What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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