It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
