Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
