it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
