Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
