It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The air taste purple.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
