New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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