You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
