He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
