Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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