It's like God shit irony all over that family
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
