Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
