they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
