Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's blow job season.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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