You're completely useless in the revolution.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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