If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
