All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
