she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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