Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
