I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
