You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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