sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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