I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
