I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
