saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
