My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
