I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think your dad took our porno
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
