just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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