woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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