i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
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Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
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in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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