What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
