I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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