My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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