Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
