my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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