It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
