theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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